Living Today
Using Insights from the Life of
St. Benedict of Nursia
Obedience:
Listening and Responding
Obedience is a scary word. As twenty-first century Catholic Americans,
we’re likely to be independently minded people.
Obedience hits us in the most sensitive part of our
personality – the desire to do what we want and to be in
control. That is why obedience is hard. It is often
equated with being incapable of making decisions or with
a lack of individual initiative or creativity. Or if
obedience is in our vocabulary, it is something we
expect from others toward us!
The Rule of St. Benedict (originally written for how
laymen are to live together -- living fully the Gospel)
begins with one simple word: “Listen!” St. Benedict says
to listen to his instructions with the ear of the heart,
not just with the mind in an intellectual exercise, but
with the heart, which is the root of love. The Latin
word for obedience is “obaudire,” which means “to listen
thoroughly.” St. Benedict describes obedience (Chapter
5, versus 7-9) as involving both
listening
and
responding. Those who practice obedience set aside their
own concerns, plans and tasks, even going so far as to
leave work unfinished, in order to respond to the
request. The requested action would be completed without
hesitation, and there shall be no delay. Obedience is
accountability in community and in relationships. We are
accountable to God and others. Obedience is an
expression of love and the acting out of mutual
responsibility. We place others before ourselves. If
obedience is characterized by listening and responding
in love, then obedience needs to be a part of any
healthy, caring relationship where we strive to be
honest and open and can even disagree with one another.
Obedience is appropriate in every relationship, not just
one of subordinate to superior. For example, a mother
obeys her child by getting up in the middle of the night
to provide comfort or food. Coworkers obey one another
by sharing tasks. Friends obey one another by taking the
time to listen. In the Benedictine sense, obedience is
not what we expect
from others. Rather it is what we do
ourselves for others.
Grumbling
Destroys the Spirtual Life
“God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Cor. 9:7)
The response of obedience, according to St.
Benedict, must be spontaneous and joyful. Obedience must
be given gladly. What matters isn’t the deed itself but
the motivation behind the deed. According to Jane
Tomaine in St. Benedict’s Toolbox: The Nuts and
Bolts of Everyday Benedictine Living, St. Benedict
does not tolerate grumbling, or as he puts it,
“murmuring” – whether it’s audible or spoken silently
within the heart. Why is St. Benedict so adamant against
grumbling? Jane interprets St. Benedict’s Rule on
murmuring,
“Grumbling is detrimental to both the
spiritual life and to the community as a whole.
A resistant or whiny attitude creates “black
holes” of negativity. While it may make us
temporarily feel better to complain about a
situation or a person, it won’t help us
accomplish anything good. Grumbling about
someone else (which we refer to as gossiping) is
probably the most dangerous thing we can do in a
community, in a family or in a relationship.
Even silent grumbling spills over to our
community, for it affects the way we interact
with others. Grumbling adds a destructive
negativity and permeates a community so that the
whole becomes unwell.”
Sr. Joan Chittister, O.S.B., in
Living the Rule Today,
asks those who are compelled to grumble:
“To people who sign up but then complain, we ask them
not to sign up;
give us the gift of not murmuring about it.”
LET’S REFLECT ABOUT THE NATURE OF GRUMBLING/GOSSIPING:
1. What do you think gossiping and complaining is?
2. What are some consequences to grumbling and
gossiping?
3. Have you ever regretted talking about someone or
complaining about a situation?
4. What should you say when people are gossiping or
being negative?
5. Do people gossip more about people they’re close to
or who they don’t know very well?
6. What’s the difference between a rumor and gossiping?
If you’re telling the truth, is it o.k.?
7. Why does news, especially negative news, spread so
quickly?
8. Do people who gossip and complain come off as
immature? How can we stop the gossip and complaint cycle
and adopt an attitude of gratitude?
THE CHALLENGE:
A COMPLAINT-FREE/GOSSIP-FREE WORLD:
In your mouth and in your heart, you hold the secret
to transforming your life. Is this a big claim? Yes, but
this is a plan that has already proven itself with
millions of people around the world. This life-changing
plan is based on the simple idea that good things will
happen for you in abundance if you can just leave your
grumbling behind.
Making the world a complaint-free/gossip-free zone. On
Ash Wednesday, the parish handed out purple bracelets
that said “Turn
away from sin. Be faithful to the Gospel.”
(If you need one, please call the parish office). Here’s
the challenge: We want you to take it out and wear it
for the next twenty-one days. Each day that you do not
complain or do not gossip, count it. (i.e., Day 1, Day
2, Day 3, etc.)
If you catch yourself complaining or talking about
another behind their back, take the bracelet and move it
to the other wrist. Start all over again (from Day 1),
the count of "complaint-free, gossip-free days.” Now try
this again until you reach 21 consecutive days of
“complaint-free, gossip-free living”, then you can take
the bracelet off. (It should become a habit by then!)
This plan, originally developed by Will Bowen in 2006
has been tried elsewhere and spread like wild fire.
Within one year after his initial challenge, more than
six million people took up the challenge, trying to go
twenty-one consecutive days without complaining,
criticizing, or gossiping, and in so doing, forming a
new, positive habit. By changing your words, you can
change your thoughts and then begin to create your life
by design. People who have practiced this plan have
shared stories of relieving chronic pain, healing
relationships, improving careers, and becoming an
overall happier person. Less pain, improved health,
satisfying relationships, a better job, being more
serene and joyous: sound good? It's not only possible,
it's probable. Consciously striving to reformat your
mental hard drive is not easy, but if you stay with it,
you will find that not only will you cease complaining,
but others around you will cease to do so as well. In a
short period of time, you can have the life you've
always dreamed of having.
HUMILITY: PLACING
GOD FIRST
Obedience, as you can see, is not for the
faint-hearted. Why would we want to obey? We strive to
be obedient because we love God and others as ourselves.
When we consider the needs of others first, we replace
competitiveness and aggression with gratitude,
generosity and mutual consideration. But we must have
great faith and courage to leave our own desires behind
and respond in love to others.
How can we do this? St. Benedict writes that the first
step of humility is obedience without delay. Humility is
not humiliation. Humility, St. Benedict advocates, is
the state of mind that subordinates my will to God’s,
realizing that I am not
the center of the universe. The primacy of
God’s will over self-will is at the heart of obedience
and humility.
In our parish mission statement, we state that “we
place God First in all things.” Humility, in
a nutshell, is placing God first. Humility is the
opposite of narcissism. Narcissism is the concentration
of the self. Humility admits that our life and our gifts
are given to us by God and therefore to be used as God
sees best. We must continually surrender to God’s power
in our life and in the lives of those around us. The
reason humility and obedience are linked is that we
cannot listen or respond if we believe we’re the center
of life. We cannot listen or respond if we believe that
our way is the only way.
St. Benedict compares the task of achieving humility
with climbing a ladder with twelve steps, embracing the
action required on each rung. The ladder is our life on
earth. Our soul and body are two sides of the ladder:
between these sides are the twelve steps of humility. A
snapshot of the twelve steps can be found below:
THE TWELVE STEPS
ON THE LADDER OF HUMILITY
Step 1: Accept that God is present in my life and to
live from that awareness. “Searcher of minds and hearts
is God” (Psalm 7:10) and “The Lord knows our thoughts.”
(Psalm 94:11)
Step 2: Make doing God’s will my prime mission in life.
“I have come not to do My own will,
but the will of Him who sent Me.” (John 6:38)
-
Placing God first means to do God’s will in our lives
and not interfere by letting our own wills take over.
This means making God’s priorities our priorities. When
we place our loving Creator at the center of our life,
we become more prayerful, more focused on loving and
caring for our families and our neighbor in need and
less preoccupied with material things. In short, we find
the true source of happiness and fulfillment that we all
seek and that the Lord alone can provide.
Step 3: Recognize that I cannot always be in control and
to listen and respond to those who are – to be obedient.
“He became obedient even unto death.” (Philippians 2:8b)
-
Letting someone else direct us can be very difficult.
We need to be flexible enough to step aside and follow
another’s lead. We are to imitate Jesus.
Step 4: Be patient and steadfast when our obedience
places us in a difficult or unfair situation. “The one
who perseveres to the end, is the one who shall be
saved.” (Matthew 10:22)
-
We need to hold fast when things don’t go our way or
when our obedience places us in an unjust situation. We
need to stay centered on God and remember that the one
who endures to the end will be saved.
Step 5: Receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation by
confessing my sins. “Then I declared my sin to you; my
guilt I did not hide. I said, ‘I confess my
transgression to the LORD,’ and you took away the guilt
of my sin. (Psalm 32:5)
-
St. Benedict recognized the importance of knowing
oneself and declaring our faults or misdeeds which
transforms us through healing and growth. Once we have
experienced the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we can
forgive ourselves and others, we can practice new
behaviors and we can let the past go.
Step 6: Be willing to do the most menial tasks and be at
peace with them. “I was stupid and could not understand;
I was like a brute beast in your presence. Yet I am
always with you; you take hold of my right hand. (Psalm
73:22-23)
-
St. Benedict encourages us to accept the circumstances
of life as they come to us. We must not think we’re too
good to do certain things. And we are to be content with
who we are and what we have.
Step 7: Truly believe in my heart that others are better
than I am. “It is good for me that I am humbled, so that
I might learn from your statutes.” (Psalm 119:71)
-
If we believe – even a little – that others are better
than we are, we’ll be able to learn from them. To begin
to do this step, we must be honest about who we are and
recognize that we don’t always have the best answer or
the best intentions in every situation.
Step 8: Take no action except those endorsed by people
who show wisdom and understanding.
-
We should seek out mentors and guides who will show us
the actions to take that have value and the paths that
are worthy to walk.
Step 9: Listen more than talk. “Where words are many,
sin is not wanting; but those who restrain their lips do
well. (Proverbs 10:19)
-
One of the most difficult things to do is to listen.
St. Benedict says that silence is preferred over talking
and will help us avoid sinning against God and others.
Step 10: Don’t laugh excessively. “The fool lifts up his
voice in laughter.” (Ecclesiastes 21:23)
-
Laughter is good as it lightens the heart and can make
us feel better. However, at times, laughter can be
harmful: we can laugh at another’s expense or indulge in
sarcastic laughter. With this step, St. Benedict asks us
to let go of unnecessary or hurtful laughter.
Step 11: Speak quietly and briefly with humility and
restraint. “A wise man is known by the fewness of his
words.” (Sextus, Enchiridion, 134 or 145)
-
Do I talk too much? Do I interrupt others? Do I wish
to be a fountain of all human knowledge? St. Benedict
stresses the importance of generosity in conversation
where we speak gently and briefly.
Step 12: Know myself and my sinfulness and therefore be
humble inwardly and outwardly. “O God, be merciful to me
a sinner.” (Luke 18:13)
-
Our demeanor should be calm and centered. Our humility
would be apparent to all of our companions, shining
forth regardless of whether we are working or praying or
helping others.
These steps may seem overwhelming. Yet it all starts
with the first step: acknowledging the presence of God
in our lives which makes the other steps possible. Walk
with our eyes fixed on Jesus. God is the reason and the
motivation for all our actions. We do everything for
God.
Resources on St. Benedict
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